


What Do You Do With A Horde Of Kobolds?

by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Featuring many many kobolds, Fluff, Gen, Spoilers for Episode 149
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23031028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_in_ink/pseuds/Angel%20Ascending
Summary: The inn used to be quieter once. Wilde remembers that, the long hours spent at his desk with nothing but the wind and the rain and the creaking of the inn settling to serve as background noise to hours of paperwork and study. There is the usual amount of rain now, and significantly less wind these days, but instead of quieter, the inn has acquired new sounds. The hiss and bite of spoken Draconic, the swish of tails and the click of claws against the floors of the inn, the sub-vocal purrs and trills and growls of dozens of kobolds going about their day.
Comments: 33
Kudos: 89





	What Do You Do With A Horde Of Kobolds?

**Author's Note:**

> Greatly inspired by [this](http://kristsune.tumblr.com/post/611704929741078528/id-already-been-thinking-about-the-gang-leaving) post and also [this](http://daisytonnergf.tumblr.com/post/189555699811/most-underrated-moment-from-the-livestream) post, I couldn’t help myself. (I also have a follow up story in mind, (because I need more Oscar interacting with kobolds in my life) but that’s for later. Thank you to @kristsune for helping me out and also enabling, because enabling is what they do best. ^_^

The inn used to be quieter once. Wilde remembers that, the long hours spent at his desk with nothing but the wind and the rain and the creaking of the inn settling to serve as background noise to hours of paperwork and study. There is the usual amount of rain now, and significantly less wind these days, but instead of quieter, the inn has acquired new sounds. The hiss and bite of spoken Draconic, the swish of tails and the click of claws against the floors of the inn, the sub-vocal purrs and trills and growls of dozens of kobolds going about their day.

_“So we dealt with Shoin,” Zolf tells Wilde. “Basically.” The dwarf looks like he’s gone straight past exhausted and out the other side. “I mean, he’s not going to be able to cause any more trouble, and we have his notes and even his diary, so there’s that.”_

_Wilde nods, pleased. “Since I don’t see him here, I assume you took care of him in a permanent way?”_

_“Oh, he’s here!” Cel grins, a wide and manic smile accompanied by a twitch of their left eye. “He’s here, let me get him out, hang on, questioning him will be a_ **_little_ ** _tricky, but give me half an hour and I could probably rig something up, something basic, very basic….“ Cel’s words continue in a steady stream as they pull something out of their bag. “Here he is, don’t worry about the veins, I think as long as you don’t like, go touching him or drinking his brain juice you should be okay.”_

_Wilde stares at the brain floating in the giant glass orb, then looks back up at Cel. “I don’t think that will be a problem.”_

_“Oh good! I didn’t think so, but it doesn’t hurt to say something, can’t be too careful, safety first, is anyone else hearing the color green right now? I’m definitely hearing the color green.”_

_Wilde raises an eyebrow._

_“One too many channel vigors,” Zolf says. “They assured me this wears off at some point.”_

_Wilde nods, wondering if being slightly unhinged is a pre-requisite for becoming an alchemist. “Right. Where are Azu and Hamid?”_

_“That’s— that’s, well….” Zolf sighs. “There’s a bit of a… situation.”_

_Wilde doesn’t think his facial expression changes, but it must, because Zolf quickly starts shaking his head._

_“No no, not like that, they’re fine, they’re alive, they’re just outside with the—“ Zolf scowls. “Shoin had… prisoners. Slaves. We saved who we could.”_

_This wasn’t supposed to have been a rescue mission, but Wilde isn’t surprised by the fact that it ended up being one. The main objective was reached at least, the rest can be dealt with. “They’ll have to be quarantined of course. How many?”_

_“Zolf, Zolf don’t tell him, I want to see the look on his face,” Cel says gleefully._

_“You’re going to want to have a look,” Zolf says, and doesn’t say anything more, just turns and heads out of the office. “Brace yourself.”_

_Wilde is an imaginative person. So much has changed about himself and the world, but he still prides himself on his imagination. He thinks of several things that might greet him when he opens the front door of the inn. None of them come close to hundreds of pairs of kobold eyes looking back at him from the darkness._

_Hamid, standing at the front of the group with Azu on one side of him and a kobold on the other side, looks at Wilde and smiles, giving him a little wave. “Hello Oscar,” he says cheerily, then gestures towards the horde of kobolds. “They followed us home. Can we keep them?”_

They didn’t end up keeping all of them, of course. They had all passed quarantine thankfully, (and that had been a hassle and a half, trying to find places to confine them all for a week, but it had been done) and then the question had become, well, what to do with them all? Wilde had been relieved that a majority of them simply wanted to go back to living underground, building new tunnels under the island, or rediscovering old ones. The ones who hadn’t gone, of which there were still many, had wanted to _do_ things. Cel had immediately picked out several who had an affinity for alchemy and engineering and at last report were working well with Wilde’s various research teams. A great many of the kobolds were excellent at sneaking and were in the process of getting properly trained up to be agents. Which had left about a dozen kobolds who, under Skraak (“ _General_ Skraak!” the kobold had told him proudly) had become, well, something of an unasked for (but not entirely unwelcome) personal guard.

_“I don’t know a lot about kobolds,” Wilde says to Hamid after about a month, during a mission check in, over a glass of wine. “But do they always— sing isn’t the right term. It’s sort of a hum.” Wilde mimics the sound, rather well he thinks. “When I’m working late, my… my guards start doing that, right outside the door, and they don’t stop until I go to bed.”_

_Hamid tilts his head slightly. “That’s—hmm. Is there anything else they do that seems strange?”_

_“They keep_ **_bringing_ ** _me things, and they won’t stop,” Wilde continues. “It used to be small mammals in little cages outside my office door. And then it started being dead animals. Then last week it was an entire grilled tuna, just an entire grilled tuna outside my door, the cook has no idea where they might have gotten it from.” Wilde takes another sip of wine, noticing that Hamid is smiling now. “I don’t know if it’s some sort of gratitude thing, or if they think I’m their leader or something and they need to pay tribute to me—“_

_Hamid starts laughing, claps a hand over his mouth to contain it, and fails. “Umm— that’s not exactly what’s going on, I think.”_

_Wilde raises an eyebrow. “Please. Enlighten me.”_

_“When you’re working, let me guess, you tend to skip meals?”_

_“Sometimes,” Wilde admits._

_“They think you’re bad at hunting,” Hamid says, still chuckling. “Because you’re not feeding yourself properly. And that noise they make late at night, does it sound like this?”Hamid makes a sound in the back of his throat, a rumbly thing between a growl and a hum._

_Wilde nods slowly. “Yes, that’s it exactly.”_

_“That’s umm— that’s the sound they make when they’re trying to get the young ones to settle down and go to sleep.”_

_And that’s when Wilde realizes that the kobolds are treating him less like a leader and more like a young tribe member who hasn’t gotten the hang of taking care of himself and are trying to help him out._

Wilde looks up from his notes, checking the time, and gets up from his desk. If he misses lunch again, there’s no telling what he’ll find outside his door.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m [angel-ascending](http://angel-ascending.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr and [angel_in_ink](http://twitter.com/angel_in_ink) over on Twitter if y’all want to stop by and say hi!


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